If it is on, I must turn it off
If it is off, I must turn it on
If it is folded, I must unfold it
If it is a liquid, it must be shaken, then spilled. If it a solid, it must be crumbled, chewed or smeared
If it is high, it must be reached
If it is shelved, it must be unshelved. If it is pointed, it must be run with at top speed
If it has leaves, they must be picked
If it is plugged, it must be unplugged
If it is not trash, it must be thrown away. If it is in the trash, it must be removed, inspected, and thrown on the floor
If it is closed, it must be opened. If it does not open, it must be screamed at. If it has drawers, they must be rifled
If it is a pencil, it must write on the refrigerator, monitor, or table
If it is full, it will be more interesting emptied. If it is empty, it will be more interesting full. If it is a pile of dirt, it must be laid upon
If it is stroller, it must under no circumstances be ridden in without protest. It must be pushed by me instead. If it has a flat surface, it must be banged upon. If Mommy's hands are full, I must be carried. If Mommy is in a hurry and wants to carry me, I must walk alone
If it is paper, it must be torn
If it has buttons, they must be pressed
If the volume is low, it must go high. If it is toilet paper, it must be unrolled on the floor. If it is a drawer, it must be pulled upon
If it is a toothbrush, it must be inserted into my mouth. If it has a faucet, it must be turned on at full force
If it is a phone, I must talk to it
If it is a bug, it must be swallowed. If it doesn't stay on my spoon, it must be dropped on the floor. If it is not food, it must be tasted. If it is dry, it must be made wet with drool, milk, or toilet water
If it is a carseat, it must be protested with arched back
If it is Mommy, it must be hugged. I am a toddler!
Author unknown (from crosswalk.com)
Some proposed additions from Grandmummy Jude:
If I can't have it, I want it. If you give it to me, I don't want it
When asked to be quiet, scream and shout. When asked to speak to G'mummy Jude on the phone, keep quiet
Told to be nice to my brother, so thump him
And just to keep you on your toes, if you're expecting me to be bad, I go all soft and cuddly!
